Last night I was awake through the orange light blinking… Each blink brought me memories of the days that clouds were so far away… both flattering and disturbing moments… reminded me of the city of the lovers and the adventurers… the times of she loving him and he loving her back… and then all started fading out…

The last blink, just before I fell asleep, took me on a journey… to the “meaning” of my future and the eternal happiness that is everyone’s dream… and not even a second later, my own dream started to take place… one that was vague but still vivid to leave my brain at rest and free from all the scars… free from the fake idealistic visions in life… the kind of dream that makes you soulful inside and gives you the strength to put all those scars in a drawer inside your peaceful mind…

To be continued…

S

“The professional must learn to be moved and touched emotionally, yet at the same time stand back objectively; I’ve seen a lot of damage done by tea and sympathy.”

— Anthony Storr

There were times that every single tear told you a story… The frightening story of losing… There were times that the heart was broken and made you wonder how you could ever live without it broken… There were times that you trampled ethics and wondered if heaven holds the evil ones or the blessed souls… or perhaps both the bad and the good…

There are still times that temptation makes me say what you don’t like to hear… and I’m still wondering if that is wise or not… What if heaven holds the not-so-wise people… What if I don’t want to taste heaven at all… What if heaven exists right inside your broken heart…

What if there is no heaven at all…

S

“We do not really feel grateful toward those who make our dreams come true; they ruin our dreams.”

— Eric Hoffer

Since changing my blog interface a couple of days ago, I seem to have lost some readers… I’m wondering why so many people are sensitive to changes, allergic even… Didn’t they care about what was written or did they just like the way my page looked… I, myself, think change is rejuvenating and refreshes your brain constantly… So, I’m keeping this layout at least for a few months until I change it again… As Rosanne Cash once said: “the key to change is to let go of fear.”

S

The white flakes were all I saw…
at this very dawn.
All scattered in the gray horizon…
free as a graceful swan.

They reminded me of you…
dancing your way down into my heart.
Not as bitter… Not so gloomy…
sinking down in a hopeless ending.

Leaving me in an endless delusion…
in a world full of black and white fantasies.

S

November 6, 2008
Toronto – Chez Roxanne

Call it a tradition or whatever, we often get together on Torontonian fall or winter nights and watch cinema classics, be it black-and-white, francais, etc.

Thursday night wasn’t an exception… Watching “La Vie en Rose“, which was way overdue on my “must-see” movie list, turned out to be a great initiation to our movie nights this year… The story of the legend chanteuse, Édith Piaf… I mean, how can one possibly have such a life full of sorrow and unfortunate incidents and yet remain in love, singing like a bird with no regrets about her past… All I can say was that her voice makes you desperately want to live and experience her era, in Paris in 1940’s, wandering around Montmartre and falling in love… Even if you don’t fully understand what she is trying to tell you in her music, she grasps you with her voice, her strength, her patience…

Marion Cotillard, herself one of my favorite French actresses, made it hard to believe she was merely acting… Her jaw-dropping performance was nothing short of amazing… She was so real… So comfortable… So Édith Piaf…

S

“Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.”

— Coco Chanel

OK gang… I’m back and this time I’m right on track…

It was a hectic month with happenings professionally, personally, and culturally… Toronto is getting chilly… the long nights don’t really bother me much though… I’ve learnt over the years not to nag for the entire six months of Torontonian winter… Instead, I’ve learnt how to enjoy the shorter days in dim lights with my loved ones around or on my own mind, tucked in my winter clothes, with my warm pashmina wrapped around me and sipping hot cups of tea!

So, on to a brief recap of my life in the past month…

Madonna’s concert deserves no word but “Fabulous”… It was indeed a “dream come true” occasion for me… I mean, c’mon, who can seriously dance like her, act like her, sing like her, and steal the two-hour show in a full-house ACC at the age of 50… at some point, when she was singing her classic hits from years past, I got choked up with emotion, honestly!

I’m also happy to report that I started reading again… Intensive reading, one book after another… I finished a couple of books in the last month… the one which I just finished and loved dearly was “84 Charring Cross Road” which made one of my favorite streets in London come alive in me once again… the book is in fact a collected volume of correspondence between a British bookstore owner and an American writer, Helene Hanff spanning over 20 years… I’m now ready to start what I’ve been told is a must-read classic by “Rebecca”…

AGO is ready to reopen next week… after many months of renovating, the gallery will be open to the public on Nov. 14 and give everyone the opportunity to admire the first ever work by the renowned architect, Frank Gehry, in Canada!

Last but not least, Mr. Obama won the president election last night and made so many people’s dream come true… including “Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.” who had a dream a few decades ago! I’m sure thousands of websites are covering the story of last night’s election, so there is nothing left for me to tell you…

C’est tout for now… and may I reassure you that I won’t be silence again for such a long time… I will update my blog world more frequently from now on… I will share the books I’m reading, the movies I’m planning to see, all the good stuff coming up in the city, and of course what goes on in my mind… Until then, I’m sending you my biggest smile and thanking you for waiting and checking out the world according to Shadan!

Much love,

S

If you live according to nature, you will never be poor; but if you live according to [public opinion], you will never be rich.”

Epicurus (34-270 BC)